It's really tough to learn that your consumerist, capitalistic life is being spent on the abundance of selfish desire.
In Chicago, I learned that constant conversation with Jesus Christ makes for a day filled with opportunity- the kind of opportunity that leads me in the direction of others rather than myself. I spent my week in this mindset, progressively realizing that I couldn't build a hut, write a song or conjure up some kind of emotional indwelling that would lead people to Jesus. I walked into an elaborate temple-ornate with decorative items that make grad-school artistry look like kindergarten sketches- only to watch people prostrate themselves before an assortment of statues. I was captivated yet disgusted. At one point I had to listen to this PR guy give a friendly lecture about the relevance of Islam to everyone. Head nodding, I maintained my attentive composure by making sure everyone else's alertness was intact. There was this one really cool time when I had to eat spicy Indian food. Yet another time I spent filming footage for the spoof documentary. The culmination of these things has led me back to Mobile to be re-immersed in the Bible belt and Republican landscape. (it's ok) Now, you're probably wondering why these scattered thoughts aren't making any sense, that's because they don't. I still don't understand why I had to go to Chicago to pray. Surely I could've sent some funds, put them on a prayer list or even better mentioned the missionaries during the Lottie Moon Offering sales pitch. I don't understand why everyone just can't worship the same God and go to private school and vote elephant (that would be republican) and live away from everything that is scary and mean. I don't even understand why Indian food has to suck.
Of all that I do not understand, one thing that is clear is Jesus' Lordship over my life. I didn't see any converts. I didn't get to counsel anyone. Heck, I didn't even get to hand out a tract. Sheesh. But I saw His purpose. It is more powerful than anything I could ever imagine, proceeding outside of my finite spectrum of time, and arriving at destination, on its time. This is the beauty of not getting it. and I love it.
So, on a less idealistic and writer's fluff scale- my blueprint for the life I always wanted just got shredded. in the big paper shredder.
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3 comments:
I like your realization of the fact that a successful mission trip does not depend on the number of people saved or tracks handed out. Most of the time, a mission trip helps the missionary more than those we go to serve.
We should be grateful to live in such a place as the Bible belt, but we should not let it restrain us in our thinking or living. Just because its called the Bible belt doesn't mean its always right.
Isn't it great experiencing such a completely different way of life? It makes you wonder...these people have devoted their entire lives, every moment of their day, to a god who cannot love them in return. So why don't we devote ourselves to the God who loves us unconditionally?
okokok. so now im a blogger!!
okokokok so now ive changed my name...
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