five years?

I never know how to answer the question of: where do you see yourself in five years"? It is usually a shrug, furrowing of the brows and mix of I..I..uh..think...uh..I...don't know. The questioner could be thinking, "you have no vision for the future" or "wow, you're 23 years old, Trey-you should have thing figured out by now..." It had never really bothered me to have an unclear career path. It is only this past year that I have begun to wrestle with my lack of direction and find my future.

Our first legitimate married scuffle: She thought I was copping out. I mean, c'mon- it had only been 2 weeks and there I was, straining to find motivation to go to one of my two graduate classes of the semester. "You didn't realize it was going be more difficult, but you still have to try" she said. Yet, I had already determined that this research-driven program was not for me. On one hand, getting the master's would only be useful for doctoral study; leaving me with a seemingly useless degree. I did not want to waste two years and several thousands of dollars on something I was not absolutely motivated to do. But I followed through with the rest of the semester...and finished with two C's.  C's! Really!? I can't even do anything with those. In undergrad, they're average-but in "Graduate school" (said with fancy restaurant butler voice) they don't count for much...except a sub-par GPA. There. Check that failed attempt at locking down the future with a clear career path. 

Nevertheless, I am again realizing that life is no longer a game of young adulthood irresponsibility. My new and precious marriage requires patience, selflessness, humility and direction; among other qualities that I didn't spend much time cultivating as a single person. Life now has a more refined structure to it-chores being done on time, budgeting money, carving out dating time and preparing for the future. And the lady I chose to marry has a solid plan for the next 3 years. Get a B.S.W. Then get an M.S.W. Get licensed...and VOILA she's a bonafide social worker. I have a B.S in communication. I work on campus. I play music on the side. And I have yet to figure out where I am going. Honestly- I've prayed about it. Sparingly. But it is as if I haven't reached the point of desperation to grovel for some kind of sign or answer. Part of me knows that my future is in the hands of God while the other is struggling to take the steps to find it. And that is where this plane lands. Where do I go from this familiar and comfortable University that literally is my home? Do I leave with the intention of finding the next "perfect" job?

I don't know what life will look like five years from now. Maybe it will introduce a child, a new job and a new area of living. Maybe I'll be a better singer and guitarist. Maybe I'll get gray hair. Or lose some. Regardless, I know that I must continue cultivating character and discipline as a young husband so that when new opportunities arise, I have the maturity and wisdom to handle them. And five years will bring more perspective and growth for me to know where I'm going.