worship leading 100...

I feel like writing a little post on practical ways of "leading worship". I realize that I work for a school that boasts a legitimate "Worship Leadership" program, training young men and women to lead churches and congregations in musical worship (and also lifestyle). Yet, I see that there is a lot of confusion about what it means to lead worship. I, by no means I have a great understanding, but I'm just trying to get some thoughts out about practical things to know and do in the position.

Some ideas:

If you change your voice/dialect/tone in singing or speaking-you're probably being fake.

If you feel the need to pray/say something to fill space-you probably want too much control.

You can't fake a lack of musical proficiency.

If it is not backed by scripture, then "leading worship" through playing music is pointless.

It's difficult to follow someone you don't really know.

It's difficult to lead people you don't really know.

In order to lead, you have to take people somewhere.

Intentionally take the focus off of what is obvious. (musicians, surroundings, etc)

Direct people to the person of Christ.

Most importantly, God is not impressed by my talent, ability and/or confidence. It's crazy how we often feel that He is. I can get a whole service right in every aspect- and be dead wrong before Him in my heart.

Short, biting and to the point. Truthful things I of which I must remind myself.

five years?

I never know how to answer the question of: where do you see yourself in five years"? It is usually a shrug, furrowing of the brows and mix of I..I..uh..think...uh..I...don't know. The questioner could be thinking, "you have no vision for the future" or "wow, you're 23 years old, Trey-you should have thing figured out by now..." It had never really bothered me to have an unclear career path. It is only this past year that I have begun to wrestle with my lack of direction and find my future.

Our first legitimate married scuffle: She thought I was copping out. I mean, c'mon- it had only been 2 weeks and there I was, straining to find motivation to go to one of my two graduate classes of the semester. "You didn't realize it was going be more difficult, but you still have to try" she said. Yet, I had already determined that this research-driven program was not for me. On one hand, getting the master's would only be useful for doctoral study; leaving me with a seemingly useless degree. I did not want to waste two years and several thousands of dollars on something I was not absolutely motivated to do. But I followed through with the rest of the semester...and finished with two C's.  C's! Really!? I can't even do anything with those. In undergrad, they're average-but in "Graduate school" (said with fancy restaurant butler voice) they don't count for much...except a sub-par GPA. There. Check that failed attempt at locking down the future with a clear career path. 

Nevertheless, I am again realizing that life is no longer a game of young adulthood irresponsibility. My new and precious marriage requires patience, selflessness, humility and direction; among other qualities that I didn't spend much time cultivating as a single person. Life now has a more refined structure to it-chores being done on time, budgeting money, carving out dating time and preparing for the future. And the lady I chose to marry has a solid plan for the next 3 years. Get a B.S.W. Then get an M.S.W. Get licensed...and VOILA she's a bonafide social worker. I have a B.S in communication. I work on campus. I play music on the side. And I have yet to figure out where I am going. Honestly- I've prayed about it. Sparingly. But it is as if I haven't reached the point of desperation to grovel for some kind of sign or answer. Part of me knows that my future is in the hands of God while the other is struggling to take the steps to find it. And that is where this plane lands. Where do I go from this familiar and comfortable University that literally is my home? Do I leave with the intention of finding the next "perfect" job?

I don't know what life will look like five years from now. Maybe it will introduce a child, a new job and a new area of living. Maybe I'll be a better singer and guitarist. Maybe I'll get gray hair. Or lose some. Regardless, I know that I must continue cultivating character and discipline as a young husband so that when new opportunities arise, I have the maturity and wisdom to handle them. And five years will bring more perspective and growth for me to know where I'm going. 

dream

Somewhere in the deep recesses of twenty-something, you can't find your dreams. It happens about the time you walk across that platform and grasp the most expensive headline you'll ever read. You are thrown into a world of ovation, gifts and the satisfying sense of achievement. You have just spent your entire preliminary adult life being informed about the world, its processes and earning a healthy roadmap for your future. You get your first real job and a roof over your head. Things are taking off. But, you soon find that achievement being replaced by anxiety. And your life is no longer planned out for you by your parents, teachers or a pastor. It's kind of fun- but really scary. You always thought you would start out in the dream job with the big bucks. Instead, you're working a job you don't even like while hoping you'll be able to buy a ring for your potential fiance in the next 10 years. You no longer have a life goal because you've accomplished everything set for you in your childhood. There you stand in a field of opportunity as it begins to rain. And it seems like there's nowhere to cover your head.

I didn't see any of it coming. I had both idealistic and unassuming expectations of the future before I finished college. I wouldn't have thought the sunshine of my future would get lost in the clouds. But lucky for me, I married a lady who just can't let me settle in the chair of mediocrity. So, back I go to square one where my slate is clear. I am learning how to dream again. I am reclaiming the vivid boy-like imagination that has characterized my world since the day I entered my mother's arms. I am taking time to develop my creativity and turn the conceptual into something tangible. I am venturing to be not a replica but avant-garde.

Looking to make something happen...

called

What does it mean to be "called" into ministry?

As I previously posted, I remember feeling that "call" when I was younger, not really understanding what it entailed. I thought it would be really cool to spend the rest of my life in a church, getting ready for Sunday. In my mind, ministry was a "high-calling", one that would certainly earn God's favor and blessings. "Jesus likes to bump elbows with the deacons and talk football with the pastors after church," I thought. It was the world that I had both found my niche' and considered to be my future.

Yet, I have realized that a better understanding is needed. Ministry is not restricted to the building and it not defined by a title. It is not only the staff or pastor's job to administer Christ, it is mine and yours. It knows no boundary and is not hindered by a budget. It is a living, breathing response to a world of despair.

As hard as I try, I cannot store away my opinions on the institutional church. I get tired of all the hoopla from the progressive end and the seeming disconnect from the hidebound. I loathe seeing a sermon series named after a popular movie and my ears are ringing from the multi-delay sounds of Jesu2s music. (some will catch that) I mean, come on, people aren't that impressed with the institutional church's forgery of culture. Often, I'm embarrassed to what goes on in the Christian world we have created. Yet, I find myself smack-dab in the middle of it, laughing at the same pastor-ish jokes and watching the new Catalyst videos. I have a giga-delay on my guitar pedal-board and other popular pedals leading to a nice "Christiantone"- coined to me by a local fifteen year-old. (you can't get too crazy in the sanctuary) And sometimes I just think I'm the coolest church person I know.

Anyway, I'm not sure I have a point or cool tagline. So, I'll leave it at that.

small world

I have to be honest.

I have grown up in a very nurturing and safe family environment. I've grown up in and out of the church. I've been surrounded by church people...all my life. I went to a private, Christian institution. I work at that same private, Christian institution. I've been on staff at two churches. I read Christian books. I've had a lot of theological discussions.

In light of this,I look at the world and wonder why some people just seem so crappy. I don't enjoy seemingly hostile environments. I have a mental list of things that disqualify others from my presence. I like to feel good about myself. I don't like feeling uncomfortable. And I don't like being in the presence of a bunch of "lost" people. In fact, I try to avoid those instances.

So, there. Honesty is the best policy.

I am wrong.

I am realizing that my life does not relate to anyone outside of the church world. My view of the world is not fully shaped by the Good News that Jesus came to set the captive free. It seems more like Jesus came to keep me from the rest of society. While His arms are open, mine stay folded. I have trouble conveying my love for Jesus in a way that people can really understand. Saying He is "awesome" doesn't do it and using theological terms only makes it more difficult. I've bought into the idea that I should be on the defense, preserving the integrity and cleanliness of my safe, little world. It's hard to share that with others. In fact, it's impossible. No one wants "in" on that.

Jesus simplified life. His command to love God and love others is characterized by a life of selflessness and service. That is a fragrance to this world. I am finding that my love for others has been hindered by a severe misunderstanding of "following Jesus." I have maintained a life pleasing to those in the church- one marked by morals, good behavior and smiles. Is this a bad thing? Not entirely. But have I obeyed Jesus in His command? No.

I felt "the call" to ministry as a 17 year old. I remember walking down that aisle, convinced I wanted to spend the entirety of my life in a building similar to the one I was in, preaching or singing to the rest of the church world. Wow. It's crazy to think that I could spend my life doing something contradictory to Christ's command. I thought that ministry was standing in a pulpit and getting handshakes after a good speech! Christ is beckoning me for His mission. And it doesn't necessarily translate to church-work.

I don't want to waste my life. I want to know its going to count for something. Something bigger than good intentions, well-behaved children and a problem-free life. I want to see Jesus changing lives- and I can only see it if I get involved in His mission outside of the world I've so desperately clung to.

I have to ask myself:

Am I convicted more about the doctrines I profess or my lack of service to others?
Am I active in the lives of those who don't follow Jesus? or do I excuse it with church-work?
Can I say that I love Jesus if I avoid those He has said to seek?

Change has to happen.

four months

It's been way too long since I've last posted. So, here ya go:

Marriage is...

Well, does anyone really know? It's hard to say without sounding cliche'. So, I'll just say that marriage is. Quite existential of me. It is a working relationship. One that cannot be understood fully without the direction of its Creator. I am learning that it is not good to be alone. I am also learning that Michelle has a different brain. I have much more fun waking up beside her. She shares in my weird, vivid dreams. She feels differently than I do in certain times for no apparent reason to me, but I have to go with the flow. Ha. Pun intended.

I enjoy life abundantly with Jesus. It's crazy to see where my mind has gone in leaving high school and small town life. I went to college and got plagued with a world of ideas. So, I started taking the house apart. And I began to rebuild it. Now, it doesn't look exactly like it did before remodeling; a few cosmetic differences but mostly new internal working parts. Well, what does all that mean? I thought the insides always stay the same...just go with it. I am back to deciding where life will go from here. Caught between the all-powerful Creator and a not-so-great-at-decision-making human part of me, I must walk in the direction of a disciple. Not sure how it's all going to look, but at least it will be an adventure. Life can't be too predictable or its growing power is lost.

I know one thing as of late: the tongue is a powerful object. And it releases the tension of the heart.

joining

Wow. A whole summer has flown by and here I sit, 5 days away from one of the biggest decisions in life. Yet, I am peaceful, hopeful, confident and humbled to be stepping into a new realm. This lady that I fight for, frustrate and love is embarking on a journey with me, to take in each moment of the day as the special opportunity from Christ to embody all that is selflessness and love. I must say it is a rather daunting idea- knowing all that I have ever remotely attempted to hide will now be on full display to this lovely woman. She will know me in ways that no other human ever has, or will. She will see my deepest insecurities and my greatest triumphs- all the while desiring my bold protection and unconditional love. I will continue to realize how prideful, selfish and childish I am- as Christ challenges, convicts and molds me through her. It will be the ultimate reflection of beauty and suffering that I can know on this earth. The marriage relationship will beckon me to see Christ in a fresh way.

I prepare myself to live differently- to share, to clean up more often, to shave a little more, to give, to think less of myself.

And I will reap the joy of marriage- two different, imperfect humans attempting to mold together as one-as Christ showers His love on us.