gary

It was another sunny, spring day in March as I made my way back to work from my lunch break. As I slowed to a stop, I saw him. Walking parallel to my car was an unkempt, middle aged man wearing the shirt of my alma-mater. As he hobbled closer, I could see his leathery, dark skin deepened by the folds of his face. His midsection ballooned from his otherwise thin figure. His face embraced years of anguish and spoke stories of pain. He needed something. I went through the typical war in my heart of what to do as I sat miserably at that light on Dauphin street. I looked down in my cup-holder and behold, there lay a five-dollar bill. This time would be different. I rolled down my window as the light changed and rolled forward to meet the man, handing him the paper out of my passenger side window. He looked up and pointed to the sky as if to say, "thank You" or "there is a God". He told me, "thanks, brother" as I spilled words about him wearing a University of Mobile shirt. He grabbed my hand with an irremovable grip and I caught a glimpse of his piercing, crystal blue eyes. In that moment, I wasn't questioning his motives or wondering what he would do with the money. He was grateful and relieved. He had been waiting all day for that money and I was able to provide. I drove back to the office feeling somewhat accomplished.

That wasn't my only encounter with Gary. Not three days later, I was again driving to work when I saw him at the same light, with the same pained expression and the same need. I passed him on my way to grab a bite and when I went through the drive-thru, I couldn't help but think of him. So, I turned around and pulled in the parking lot beside that stop light. "You hungry, man?" I asked him. To my surprise, his answer was, "Man, I can't eat" as he lifted his shirt to reveal a large mass in his stomach. He proceeded to tell me about health issues that took away his appetite and body's ability to process food. He told me of his battered friendship with alcohol and drugs and inability to maintain a steady job. He told me about his hospital visits. He was homeless, close to death and without a real friend. I listened intently to his words, but didn't want to go beyond handing him that sandwich.

A few days later, I found him again around the same light. This time, he managed to get my cell phone number out of me, though I was unsure if it was sane or safe to let him. I felt the need to go beyond giving him spare change or lip service, so I told him to call me if he needed anything. And he did.

In the coming weeks I would receive several phone calls from Gary. Some just because he wanted to talk to, to listen to his story, to share in his suffering. One day, he asked to buy him some dog food. He loved that mutt more than anything and wanted to make sure it would survive. I took it to a random house where he asked me to leave it with a guy named John. This guy asked me, "why are you doing this for him? you should really watch out". He thought I was a creep when I stammered "I'm j-just doing this out of love, b-b-because I care." Needless to say, Gary called later to thank me for that dog food. Another day he asked me to buy him some groceries. I thought, "oh, it can't be too much" so I did. He gave me a long list of items from dog food to bratwurst to college ruled paper. He said to meet him in John's driveway and he would take me to his spot in the woods. I don't know what made me think it was a good idea to follow a homeless guy into the woods on a rainy afternoon, but I did anyway. When I pulled up to the driveway, he met me with a strained smile and a grateful heart. I followed him as he hobbled across the street through a narrow clearing in the woods. When I turned the corner, I saw a large campsite with several tents and fire pits. Proudly, he pointed to his tent, wedged between some trees and covered by an old, ratty tarp. Another guy named Mel (Gary called him a trustworthy friend) peeked out of his tent and helped us sort out the groceries. Being my first time in a homeless person's "home", I attempted to treat it as if it were any other person's suburban house. I made mention of the cooler posing as a fridge, his makeshift dining table and reliable rooftop canopy provided by several pine trees. It was home as he knew it, but I could not imagine the discomfort of sleeping in that environment night after night. I didn't stay long, but he made sure I knew how much he appreciated me.

Over the next few months, Gary would call me, but I didn't answer. I was worried about him developing an attachment, or using me for money. I didn't want the "responsibility" of tending to his needs all the time. After several missed calls, he left me a pleading voicemail, telling me how little concern he had for my money or things-he just wanted my friendship. He didn't care that I couldn't get him the bike tire he needed or fund his cell phone minutes, he just wanted someone to talk to and encourage him. He wanted someone to encourage him that one day his pain would be over and his soul restored. He shared his love for the Lord and how he had changed his life. He begged me to call him back.

It took me weeks to get back to him, right around the time of my wedding. I had felt guilty. I had tried to disconnect myself from him, avoiding his calls and pleas for an ear. So, I called to let him know that everything was ok-that he had not made me mad or hurt me-and that I still wanted to be his friend. He wished me the best of luck for our wedding day and wanted to see me sometime when we got back. I never got to see him.

It was a beautiful Saturday in September when I got the call from Mel. With a quivering voice he told me that Gary had died. He rode a bus to Chicago so that his family could take care of him. After being there a few weeks, his health failed him. I didn't know what to say. Mel was overcome with emotion and I just sat on the other line, wondering how to respond. It was a sick feeling to know that someone I had just spent the past six months in a relational limbo with ceased to exist any longer. Yet, I suppressed it. The conversation ended in a matter of minutes, and I knew that that was the last connection I would ever have to Gary.

The guilt was overwhelming. I had to deal with my inability to deliver for this man, but more importantly, my often uncompassionate heart. Sometimes it was too inconvenient to help him, to answer his phone calls, to listen to his story. I'm having to rid my heart of it. Yet still, I was able to look through the eyes of a needy and broken homeless man and see my own reflection. I am a sick, dependent, insecure creature in a world that I cannot legitimately call my home and I long for the day of restoration for my own soul. Something that Gary burned for in his last days here, but now is experiencing in abundance as he dances in delight before his Creator.

lately

I love my wife. I have always said that she is a side of grace that I had not gotten to experience until I met her, and this continues to hold true. I have learned more in the past four years than I think I learned in the previous twenty before knowing her. I am seeing restoration and healing in fresh ways and my pious religious outlook is being broadened daily by her driving compassion. She is a beautiful gift to me and this world. For anyone eager to see a living, breathing example of grace, please look to her and share in her story.

We have been in the midst of a crazy stretch lately...

Michelle in a full-time (non-paying) internship, attempting to graduate this May, dealing with the pain of losing her mother and grandmother within 2 months of each other, living with me in a dorm with 100 dudes, at a university with a lot of "smiling" faces, looking at potential jobs and grad school...

Trey in a full-time campus job, relationally demanding, part-time worship pastor, slacking as a husband, living in a dorm with michelle (and 100 dudes), organizing a 3-week trip to europe with wife and 4 college students, looking at grad school options for the next year and trying to figure out how to love his wife more...

All this while she has been supportive, loving and gracious to me-even when it has been difficult. Through this stretch we have been learning how to love "in spite of". I am a needy soul searching for the acceptance and affirmation of everyone but Jesus, yet she loves me anyway. She is a needy soul attempting to control her circumstances that for so long were out of her control, yet I try to love her the way she deserves to be loved. It is a beautiful picture of grace. I cannot imagine life without her at my side, as God continues to use her to shape me into who I should become. It has been a rewarding time so far and I am grateful. 

Michelle graduates with a Bachelor's in Social Work from USA on May 14th.

We board the plane to Europe on May 16th. 

Life is crazy, but it is good... 

worship leading 101

If you are a "worship leader", stop looking at yourself as a "guitar carrying, sing the latest songs and look really cool on stage" guy. Begin to see your role as a pastor. Whether you like it or not, your role as a musician is not as important. In the church, your main purpose is to remove distractions and point people to the person of Christ. This means that there is more to leading than just making your way through a group of cool songs. In order to lead, you must actually take the people somewhere.

I am not saying musicianship/skill is not important. Contrarily, continually progressing in your skill set is glorifying to God. (and lack of skill can become a distraction to those you may be trying to lead) There is a growing trend among young worship leaders that is exposing our lack of biblical leadership. We have more resources, songs and instructional videos than any generation before us. With this many young musicians are growing up thinking that if they can play a few chords on the guitar and sing on-key most of the time that they are "called" to lead worship. But the "calling" is that of pastoral proportions (so funny, I know). Fellow musicians, we must reshape the way we think of leading worship and see ourselves as pastors!

How do you prepare yourself to "pastor" people in worship? Here are three things I believe, while certainly not comprehensive, are foundational to pastoring effectively.
-Study the Word
-Pray for God's direction
-Sharpen your communication skills

-Study the Word, ALOT- Many Christians think that in-depth study of Scripture is only for "senior" pastors and teachers. Many "worship leaders" perceive their role is to "lead songs" and get people to sing. Unfortunately, this line of thinking leads to Christians who don't seek to learn on their own and have ill-informed faith while "worship leaders" are glorified rock stars in the Church. As a worship pastor, seek to know Scripture as one who must reproduce it, then use it effectively during the set. Christians will be reminded and inspired of what, why and who they are to be worshipping. Scripture will provide clear explanation of "why" to those who don't believe. Especially for the current generation, who can sing every word to any song, no matter the content. It is important to remind this generation (me too) to whom our songs are being sung, even if we must take a break from singing.

-Pray for God's direction- This is something I have not placed much dependence on. It is interesting that I can "plan" Holy Spirit out of a set. With production, clever song choices and a manuscript to lead from, who needs the One who gives us direction? Prayer is essential to knowing the heart of God. When we pray, we listen to where God wants us to go. This is a cultivated discipline. It is not to summon a "magic moment" but to learn sensitivity and awareness to how Holy Spirit is convicting, changing and directing the hearts of His people. This can play out several ways in relation to a worship set, but the point is to align yourself with His purposes by communicating with Him. Be aware. (and yes it may screw up your plans)

-Sharpen communication skills- (verbal and non-verbal) The goal is to communicate God's Word in a brief, clear and simple way. This is done by KNOWING the material and what you are trying to say. Memorize Scripture. Write down your thoughts. Then write them again in a different way. See your thoughts through the eyes of a non-Christian. Find words that would not make sense to a skeptic or unbeliever and re-word the thought. Do this until your presentation is thorough and concise. Don't preach or re-preach from the stage. Don't jumble your words or say meaningless jabber. If there is nothing valuable to say, don't speak. It should not feel forced. It is always awkward and ineffective when a worship leader is launches into a sermonette or a rant about this or that. Be happy. Smile. Relax. Have fun as a musician. Lead with your eyes OPEN, not closed. If you screw up, the earth doesn't stop rotating. God is glorified despite our blunders. Be confident in what God has given you to lead His people, His Word.

Carry on worship pastors!

worship leading 100...

I feel like writing a little post on practical ways of "leading worship". I realize that I work for a school that boasts a legitimate "Worship Leadership" program, training young men and women to lead churches and congregations in musical worship (and also lifestyle). Yet, I see that there is a lot of confusion about what it means to lead worship. I, by no means I have a great understanding, but I'm just trying to get some thoughts out about practical things to know and do in the position.

Some ideas:

If you change your voice/dialect/tone in singing or speaking-you're probably being fake.

If you feel the need to pray/say something to fill space-you probably want too much control.

You can't fake a lack of musical proficiency.

If it is not backed by scripture, then "leading worship" through playing music is pointless.

It's difficult to follow someone you don't really know.

It's difficult to lead people you don't really know.

In order to lead, you have to take people somewhere.

Intentionally take the focus off of what is obvious. (musicians, surroundings, etc)

Direct people to the person of Christ.

Most importantly, God is not impressed by my talent, ability and/or confidence. It's crazy how we often feel that He is. I can get a whole service right in every aspect- and be dead wrong before Him in my heart.

Short, biting and to the point. Truthful things I of which I must remind myself.

five years?

I never know how to answer the question of: where do you see yourself in five years"? It is usually a shrug, furrowing of the brows and mix of I..I..uh..think...uh..I...don't know. The questioner could be thinking, "you have no vision for the future" or "wow, you're 23 years old, Trey-you should have thing figured out by now..." It had never really bothered me to have an unclear career path. It is only this past year that I have begun to wrestle with my lack of direction and find my future.

Our first legitimate married scuffle: She thought I was copping out. I mean, c'mon- it had only been 2 weeks and there I was, straining to find motivation to go to one of my two graduate classes of the semester. "You didn't realize it was going be more difficult, but you still have to try" she said. Yet, I had already determined that this research-driven program was not for me. On one hand, getting the master's would only be useful for doctoral study; leaving me with a seemingly useless degree. I did not want to waste two years and several thousands of dollars on something I was not absolutely motivated to do. But I followed through with the rest of the semester...and finished with two C's.  C's! Really!? I can't even do anything with those. In undergrad, they're average-but in "Graduate school" (said with fancy restaurant butler voice) they don't count for much...except a sub-par GPA. There. Check that failed attempt at locking down the future with a clear career path. 

Nevertheless, I am again realizing that life is no longer a game of young adulthood irresponsibility. My new and precious marriage requires patience, selflessness, humility and direction; among other qualities that I didn't spend much time cultivating as a single person. Life now has a more refined structure to it-chores being done on time, budgeting money, carving out dating time and preparing for the future. And the lady I chose to marry has a solid plan for the next 3 years. Get a B.S.W. Then get an M.S.W. Get licensed...and VOILA she's a bonafide social worker. I have a B.S in communication. I work on campus. I play music on the side. And I have yet to figure out where I am going. Honestly- I've prayed about it. Sparingly. But it is as if I haven't reached the point of desperation to grovel for some kind of sign or answer. Part of me knows that my future is in the hands of God while the other is struggling to take the steps to find it. And that is where this plane lands. Where do I go from this familiar and comfortable University that literally is my home? Do I leave with the intention of finding the next "perfect" job?

I don't know what life will look like five years from now. Maybe it will introduce a child, a new job and a new area of living. Maybe I'll be a better singer and guitarist. Maybe I'll get gray hair. Or lose some. Regardless, I know that I must continue cultivating character and discipline as a young husband so that when new opportunities arise, I have the maturity and wisdom to handle them. And five years will bring more perspective and growth for me to know where I'm going. 

dream

Somewhere in the deep recesses of twenty-something, you can't find your dreams. It happens about the time you walk across that platform and grasp the most expensive headline you'll ever read. You are thrown into a world of ovation, gifts and the satisfying sense of achievement. You have just spent your entire preliminary adult life being informed about the world, its processes and earning a healthy roadmap for your future. You get your first real job and a roof over your head. Things are taking off. But, you soon find that achievement being replaced by anxiety. And your life is no longer planned out for you by your parents, teachers or a pastor. It's kind of fun- but really scary. You always thought you would start out in the dream job with the big bucks. Instead, you're working a job you don't even like while hoping you'll be able to buy a ring for your potential fiance in the next 10 years. You no longer have a life goal because you've accomplished everything set for you in your childhood. There you stand in a field of opportunity as it begins to rain. And it seems like there's nowhere to cover your head.

I didn't see any of it coming. I had both idealistic and unassuming expectations of the future before I finished college. I wouldn't have thought the sunshine of my future would get lost in the clouds. But lucky for me, I married a lady who just can't let me settle in the chair of mediocrity. So, back I go to square one where my slate is clear. I am learning how to dream again. I am reclaiming the vivid boy-like imagination that has characterized my world since the day I entered my mother's arms. I am taking time to develop my creativity and turn the conceptual into something tangible. I am venturing to be not a replica but avant-garde.

Looking to make something happen...

called

What does it mean to be "called" into ministry?

As I previously posted, I remember feeling that "call" when I was younger, not really understanding what it entailed. I thought it would be really cool to spend the rest of my life in a church, getting ready for Sunday. In my mind, ministry was a "high-calling", one that would certainly earn God's favor and blessings. "Jesus likes to bump elbows with the deacons and talk football with the pastors after church," I thought. It was the world that I had both found my niche' and considered to be my future.

Yet, I have realized that a better understanding is needed. Ministry is not restricted to the building and it not defined by a title. It is not only the staff or pastor's job to administer Christ, it is mine and yours. It knows no boundary and is not hindered by a budget. It is a living, breathing response to a world of despair.

As hard as I try, I cannot store away my opinions on the institutional church. I get tired of all the hoopla from the progressive end and the seeming disconnect from the hidebound. I loathe seeing a sermon series named after a popular movie and my ears are ringing from the multi-delay sounds of Jesu2s music. (some will catch that) I mean, come on, people aren't that impressed with the institutional church's forgery of culture. Often, I'm embarrassed to what goes on in the Christian world we have created. Yet, I find myself smack-dab in the middle of it, laughing at the same pastor-ish jokes and watching the new Catalyst videos. I have a giga-delay on my guitar pedal-board and other popular pedals leading to a nice "Christiantone"- coined to me by a local fifteen year-old. (you can't get too crazy in the sanctuary) And sometimes I just think I'm the coolest church person I know.

Anyway, I'm not sure I have a point or cool tagline. So, I'll leave it at that.

small world

I have to be honest.

I have grown up in a very nurturing and safe family environment. I've grown up in and out of the church. I've been surrounded by church people...all my life. I went to a private, Christian institution. I work at that same private, Christian institution. I've been on staff at two churches. I read Christian books. I've had a lot of theological discussions.

In light of this,I look at the world and wonder why some people just seem so crappy. I don't enjoy seemingly hostile environments. I have a mental list of things that disqualify others from my presence. I like to feel good about myself. I don't like feeling uncomfortable. And I don't like being in the presence of a bunch of "lost" people. In fact, I try to avoid those instances.

So, there. Honesty is the best policy.

I am wrong.

I am realizing that my life does not relate to anyone outside of the church world. My view of the world is not fully shaped by the Good News that Jesus came to set the captive free. It seems more like Jesus came to keep me from the rest of society. While His arms are open, mine stay folded. I have trouble conveying my love for Jesus in a way that people can really understand. Saying He is "awesome" doesn't do it and using theological terms only makes it more difficult. I've bought into the idea that I should be on the defense, preserving the integrity and cleanliness of my safe, little world. It's hard to share that with others. In fact, it's impossible. No one wants "in" on that.

Jesus simplified life. His command to love God and love others is characterized by a life of selflessness and service. That is a fragrance to this world. I am finding that my love for others has been hindered by a severe misunderstanding of "following Jesus." I have maintained a life pleasing to those in the church- one marked by morals, good behavior and smiles. Is this a bad thing? Not entirely. But have I obeyed Jesus in His command? No.

I felt "the call" to ministry as a 17 year old. I remember walking down that aisle, convinced I wanted to spend the entirety of my life in a building similar to the one I was in, preaching or singing to the rest of the church world. Wow. It's crazy to think that I could spend my life doing something contradictory to Christ's command. I thought that ministry was standing in a pulpit and getting handshakes after a good speech! Christ is beckoning me for His mission. And it doesn't necessarily translate to church-work.

I don't want to waste my life. I want to know its going to count for something. Something bigger than good intentions, well-behaved children and a problem-free life. I want to see Jesus changing lives- and I can only see it if I get involved in His mission outside of the world I've so desperately clung to.

I have to ask myself:

Am I convicted more about the doctrines I profess or my lack of service to others?
Am I active in the lives of those who don't follow Jesus? or do I excuse it with church-work?
Can I say that I love Jesus if I avoid those He has said to seek?

Change has to happen.

four months

It's been way too long since I've last posted. So, here ya go:

Marriage is...

Well, does anyone really know? It's hard to say without sounding cliche'. So, I'll just say that marriage is. Quite existential of me. It is a working relationship. One that cannot be understood fully without the direction of its Creator. I am learning that it is not good to be alone. I am also learning that Michelle has a different brain. I have much more fun waking up beside her. She shares in my weird, vivid dreams. She feels differently than I do in certain times for no apparent reason to me, but I have to go with the flow. Ha. Pun intended.

I enjoy life abundantly with Jesus. It's crazy to see where my mind has gone in leaving high school and small town life. I went to college and got plagued with a world of ideas. So, I started taking the house apart. And I began to rebuild it. Now, it doesn't look exactly like it did before remodeling; a few cosmetic differences but mostly new internal working parts. Well, what does all that mean? I thought the insides always stay the same...just go with it. I am back to deciding where life will go from here. Caught between the all-powerful Creator and a not-so-great-at-decision-making human part of me, I must walk in the direction of a disciple. Not sure how it's all going to look, but at least it will be an adventure. Life can't be too predictable or its growing power is lost.

I know one thing as of late: the tongue is a powerful object. And it releases the tension of the heart.

joining

Wow. A whole summer has flown by and here I sit, 5 days away from one of the biggest decisions in life. Yet, I am peaceful, hopeful, confident and humbled to be stepping into a new realm. This lady that I fight for, frustrate and love is embarking on a journey with me, to take in each moment of the day as the special opportunity from Christ to embody all that is selflessness and love. I must say it is a rather daunting idea- knowing all that I have ever remotely attempted to hide will now be on full display to this lovely woman. She will know me in ways that no other human ever has, or will. She will see my deepest insecurities and my greatest triumphs- all the while desiring my bold protection and unconditional love. I will continue to realize how prideful, selfish and childish I am- as Christ challenges, convicts and molds me through her. It will be the ultimate reflection of beauty and suffering that I can know on this earth. The marriage relationship will beckon me to see Christ in a fresh way.

I prepare myself to live differently- to share, to clean up more often, to shave a little more, to give, to think less of myself.

And I will reap the joy of marriage- two different, imperfect humans attempting to mold together as one-as Christ showers His love on us.

closer

Global expansion and technological innovation brings the entire world to your fingertips.

It's quite amazing, really. So much information can be accessed and tasks accomplished through the utilization of technology. Sending texts, googling a topic and imagery via satellite are each useful in accomplishing various tasks. Yet, what has intrigued me over the past couple of years is the role of technology in relationships.

The avenues available to "connect" remain endless. Wanna know what the nerdy guy that sat behind in you in 7th grade math class is up to? I'm sure you can find his profile on Facebook. Need to invite several people to a lunch meeting? Send a single text to multiple addresses. Don't waste time handwriting a letter when you can send an electronic message! Instead of reading the morning newspaper, just bring up your homepage and choose from several news sources. And by golly if you know the "private" lives of celebrities. Simply for your entertainment. (because we REALLY want to know)

Are these things "bad"? Is it wrong to utilize technology for the advancement of industry and management of time? No. But what I do see happening is a definite cultural shift in the perceived need for "real" relationships. Integrity and honesty is slowly falling through the cracks of the relational foundation built through years of human contact. It is becoming much easier to manage relationships at a distance without having to be emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically involved! It works to the perceived advantage of the individual, maintaining friendships at a safe distance in order to avoid all of the joy and pain that occurs in a meaningful relationship. While we continue to grow our social networks, I feel that we carefully detach ourselves from others and eventually, society. For example, I have over 1,000 friends on Facebook. Many of which I've actually met and some that just want to be "friends" with me because of our "mutual friends". Out of these 1,000 or more people, I actively engage in a meaningful relationship with less than 20- and around 7 or 8 in a given time period. This tells me that: 1. I have to limit myself to few relationships in order to experience the quality of each one and 2. I don't really know the other 980 of you. There, I said it. You are just a face on my friend list.

Texting/chatting/IM'ing/e-mail has industrialized the concept of communication into non-emotional streams of words. These messages leave the recipient with the opportunity to incorporate his or her own emotional meaning and understanding of said message. The issue is obvious. Stripped of any human elements, the messages carry the weight of linguistic suicide. (Don't ever try to settle relational issues through text messaging. It's bad.) Regardless, the upcoming generation is fascinated by the use of text and are the driving force behind text messaging plans. You can order a phone with a text-only plan. Seriously- a phone, a device used for over a century to verbally communicate-with sound- now being used to transmit typed messages. This is contributing to the decreasing emotional intelligence of this generation. Face to face contact and conversation is becoming a thing of the past- and our lives are suffering for it.

Let me reiterate- the whole mindset behind these technological advancements is "connectedness". If the consumer can be convinced that: 1. they will be more "connected" by using a certain technology and 2. they will be left behind if they don't embrace it, then people will fall for it. Money is always the driving force for this market, no matter what cultural decay is taking place. The more people are participating- the more capital is being produced.

What is the response? Is it to Thoreau ourselves (haha nice pun) into the wild and neglect the use of any modern-day communicating instruments? You could...but possibly a more effective way to combat the decreasing importance of face to face relationship is simply just to have it, in the midst of our wired world. Take time during the week to "unplug" and "disconnect" from industrial society and have meaningful conversations with people. Make it a point to meet with that friend, in person, to discuss how things are going in his or her life. Instead of expanding your phone plan, carve more time out of your week for the people that are important. Don't settle for the cheap imitation that the culture often embraces. Prioritize your life to place relationships at the top- and leave technology for the few things that actually require it. The world won't pass you by. I promise.

let's be friends

Community is so easy to miss.

Around each and every one of us is the opportunity to experience true, honest love. It is manifest in the body of Christ- set to be the fragrance of a Holy God to a lost and dying world. It encompasses all of that which is true and pure, forgiving and convicting us of who we are and supposed to be. it is the bond that connects us as one and transcends the earthly limitation of physical bloodline. It is the specific plan of God for his people.

How often we settle for the cheap acquaintance...

Community requires raw honesty, something many of us are not comfortable with. Having grown up in a culture of smiles and doin just fine's, we can be perfectly content in our self-righteous morality. Trading integrity and character for self-made idols of goodness and got-it-togetherness is eating away at our souls. We have a daily routine for making sure our outer appearance is acceptable to the rest of the world, even in our speech. Some work very hard to maintain this...and for what? All this to perpetuate an ideal of "me". We are so dedicated, we even take mission trips, read inspiring books and sing very loud at the worship service to satisfy our own egos. Harsh it seems- but its true.

You and I are challenged by people in our lives who are willing to say the things we DO NOT want to hear. This is called love, too. (It's not always smiles,l hugs and hellos) These people are not scared to speak truth. They have no regard for defensiveness or pride-but all devotion to Jesus Christ. It is His love that compels us to be light in the darkness- even when it shows up in our own hearts. If you and I are going to move forward in life- we need the people who will push past our defenses to get to the real issues.

I regret my missing out on real community while in college. I was too busy disconnecting myself from accountability that would challenge me to be more like Christ. And now I see it. Thank God for the close people in my life who are willing to speak up and challenge my direction.

A few things community is not:
-talking about someone to everyone else but that person. aka gossip. this is one of the vilest forms of dissension in the body. it does more damage to community than anything.
-maintaining a false image of oneself.
-hiding sin
-pretending
-watching a friend make terrible decisions and not speaking up to that friend.
-avoiding being truly known.
-ministering to everyone else except for those right around you.

Let's strive for honesty. community. the gospel. the body.

the fragile picture

It is very possible to be completely scared of stepping into your future.

You can be mentally fully convinced of what you have been given and what you are to do...and still find reasons to question it and remain outside the camp.

There are times in my dreams when I can't speak. I have dreams where my utterances are nothing and I am physically restricted. There are times where my dreams have consisted of me walking into complete darkness. I have dreams about opening a book only to be shaken and completely frightened upon flipping the cover.

These things are spiritual warfare. The principalities, the powers of darkness, the evil spirits of this world. For some reason, I have found myself dismissing these ideas, allowing them to lead me into confusion. If I am ever going to be anything, to move forward, to fulfill the call the the LORD has placed over my life, I have to recognize the attacks of satan. They are of deception and confusion. And if they don't happen during the day, they will surely come at night, during my dreams- the internal world no man can touch. This is why we need the God that never sleeps.

As a child I had a brilliant imagination. I had a way of seeing things in my head that allowed me to branch out and make the physical world around me that picture. As an adult, I have retained my ideologies only to find that they are easily attacked. When I was a child, I thought as a child. Now, I must recognize the need to protect the most precious aspect of my soul.

Only He can restore the passion that He has placed inside of my heart. He is the supreme being over every realm of life- physical, meta-physical, ideational and sensational. And he holds a firm grasp on what can sometimes be out of control in my mind. These dreams and visions rest in the hands of the one who gave them.

And I don't have to be scared.

WOWSERS!

Nov 21st, 2008
7:15ish
Life changes.

For the best :)

lunchbox

Clanking clumsily at my side, I put the box in its proper storage. I walked to the long table strategically placed against the wall, adjacent to her desk. I took my seat. Another day had begun. After standing to recite the the morning pledge I busied myself with with some basic problems and whispered to the boys beside me. It seemed like forever before the awaited moment...Then, at last it came. I walked back over to the wooden frame and retrieved the box. It was fronted by the Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers. I sat it down on the table. How did that dragon sticker get there? hmm...I quickly opened the latch and picked up the thermos. After flipping the lid, I drank. Mmm...so juicy. Underneath there lay slightly smashed two white squares. She had cut the ends! Man, it was really good now! The peanut butter stuck to my palate and I washed it down by the thermos. Lunch was so good.

And it hasn't been the same since.

There are certain memories you remember. Ones that you can smell and taste. They remind you of what life was like- maybe how simple it was. Maybe how some things were just more important. Maybe how each phase of the day took longer. These memories I often wish I could relive.

It just tasted better out of that lunchbox...

I remember creating countless plays for my imaginary football teams. And the rosters- in depth. Each person had a ranking, possibly falling if they were injured. That thin, acre strip of grass was my stadium. And the rustle of the Mississippi breeze gave the trees incentive to cheer. I scored alot of touchdowns those years. Broke alot of records. Lived alot of youth.

What memories...

Though I would never achieve those outstanding stats in my single year tenure as a li' dolphins running backer- and though the lunchbox that magically made things taste better became a crayon storage, Those memories are never lost. These mental photographs reconnect me to my days as a carefree little boy in Hurley, watching Dad wash vehicles and mom make hamburger steak. It's a way for me to feel...to sense that life doesn't always have to be weighed down with ways to survive our seemingly complex society. There's release in retaining that inner child. He tells me to go create, play and let the world worry with its problems.

Live free.

wikincredible!

When I search for information on the internet, wikipedia is the first place I look. It is an extreme database of knowledge on virtually (literally) anything you could possibly want to know- a collection of facts built by the individuals across the world. It is an interesting concept- this free-flowing of information. The scholarship of facts has been decentralized to anyone willing to share and edit a page. Sounds like a nice neo-movement for everyone, everywhere to have the human race's span of knowledge at their fingertips. Founder Jimmy Wales seems to think so.

Why are these wikians working for this accessible utopia of knowledge? Wales says:

"I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself. I’m doing this for the child in Africa who is going to use free textbooks and reference works produced by our community and find a solution to the crushing poverty that surrounds him. But for this child, a website on the Internet is not enough; we need to find ways to get our work to people in a form they can actually use.
And I’m doing this for my own daughter, who I hope will grow up in a world where culture is free, not proprietary, where control of knowledge is in the hands of people everywhere, with basic works they can adopt, modify, and share freely without asking permission from anyone." A Personal Appeal from Jimmy Wales, 31 Dec 2005.

It is a noble cause. And I love it. I love having a site where I can find information on ANYTHING. I completed a lot of college papers this way (even though it is not recognized as a legitimate source). I find information about my favorite artists and people. If I have the slightest question about a topic or issue- I go to wikipedia.

Questions about wikipedia's credibility?

Observations:

- In wikipedia, there are no barriers to what the individual can learn.
- In wikipedia, the individual can contribute to the wealth of knowledge.
- The knowledge cannot be controlled by any one structure. It is eternally open.

Moving on, I understand that Wiki is not alone in its endeavor. In fact, it is the reflection of something much deeper. The cultural shift taking place is one of access, freedom and openness. There is not one corner of the earth that can't be virtually touched. Look at an obscure streetview in Beijing from your web-browser. Post your opinion or daily rambling on a page-for all to see (yes, i know). Chat with someone across the world-and see their face. The Internet has completely decentralized the flow of information out of the hands of political and established power. If you don't like what the news station is telling you, then you can sure find something on the Internet that supports your opinion. Get maps to anywhere in the world...

The point is, times are changing. There exists a lack of mystery and wonder in our complex brains. I'm even convinced that the vast wealth of information hasn't made us better people-only a little more spread out in what we know.

In Jesus time, heck, up until the printing press, stories were carefully passed down by word of mouth and written in ancient languages. People rarely left their hometowns. The world was flat. The sun revolved around the earth and we were the center of the universe. And we still think we are. Our bustling, constantly improving culture doesn't know how satisfy the longings of the human condition. Indeed it complicates it.

Of course, there's always knee-mail... ;)

the political aspiration

Few things are as divisive as politics and religion. Put them together and let the hate begin!

Possibly one of the most important elections of all time lay at the hands of American voters- in 27 days. With all the rhetoric and sub-divided niches of people there is quite the array of opinions and suggestions aimed at pushing our stand-still nation through the crossroads. With the economy teetering on the scales of an unstable market, many Americans are waiting for a leader to emerge and lift the nation atop what seems to be the brink of Great Depression Dos. Many are ready for change, some not ready for the image change that electing Obama would signify, and others are in the independent outskirts of political society. Now that I've given my brief, inconcise run-down of the political state of America, I have a few things to discuss.

1. I want to speak in a way that can't be spoken on the political platform. I want to ignore statistics and political theory. I want to see the country in the green terrain that it is, rather than the personified red and blue.

In reference to the current economy, one word comes to mind. Greed. Yes, I said it. It's a moral/virtuous term only brought out of the closet for Sunday School lessons and Parenting points aimed at getting children to share. Yet completely applicable to Wall-Street and mainstream-suburban America. If you want more in this society, you take it from someone else. Giant mortgage lenders that feed on citizens with bad credit and unrealistic aspirations have taken the hit. Return void. Prospective home-owners that feed on the unattainable American Dream are just as responsible. Greed works both ways. It feeds the ego, regardless of what side of the economic spectrum one is on. Hmm...this isn't addressed from the platform. It's the corrupt corporation! We need regulation! We need to filter in $700 Billion dollars in money that we don't have so people will buy more of what they don't need! This is the great paradox of politics. It is driven to make a society better while repressing the issues that need to be addressed the most. These are issues that can only be addressed on a personal level. Which brings me to...

2. Jesus was a liberal. Jesus was a socialist. Jesus was a white middle-class republican.

Jesus was none of these things. Jesus was actually the Son of God. Not much room for a political agenda there...the coming Messiah that spoke of loving your neighbor as yourself and caring for the widows and homeless had one agenda on his mind: the will of His Father. Everything fell under this ultimate purpose. The titles above have all been written about or conveyed through the various sub-groups and cultural identities of people across the world. But Jesus cannot be politicized. He is and will be who He said He was. Yes, he disrupted the political empire of his time by being a radical and agitated the religious by hanging around prostitutes, tax collectors and thieves. But his mind, energy and focus was still on the ultimate work of salvation that would occur through the final act of the cross. Understand that Jesus' life was the living, breathing example of how His children are to live, not a story for political cut and paste.

I am not divorcing Jesus and his teaching from political life, but I am divorcing Him from political labeling- whether outright or implied. The "social gospel" idea that is emerging in the world is limited in its scope. There are millions of people here and abroad in dire need of basic food, clothing and shelter. But the Christian community mustn't sell the heart-changing aspect of the Gospel for something simply seeking to satisfy our earthly cravings. It must be the Gospel in its fullness, the good news that Christ has come to seek and save that which was lost. And that covers all socio-economic levels.

3. This Nation was founded on Christian principles.

I'm not sure I even understand what that means anymore. Regardless of whether our founding fathers were deist or Neo-Evangelicals ahead of their time, we don't live in the 1700's. Christians cannot hold high the flag or political and legislative authority any longer. The culture is not willing to acknowledge Jesus Christ as authority of the Constitution. Gasp! Does this mean that Christians no longer have rights? No, I think its more along the lines of Christians being scared of not having political and legal power the way it seemed they use to. We can't look to the past and wish for a time where Ward comes home, kisses June and has a nice meal with the family. The mass media has made it easier to access all kinds of crap. (this goes for Christian programming, too.) Knowing this, we should be aware that sin has always been prevalent in our culture and well, our hearts. There aren't any new sins coming on the airwaves today. In response, Christians shouldn't be afraid of the meaningless garbage that fights for our attention. We should 1) be glad the Glory of Christ is much more evident and 2) be willing to fight it with the truth of the Gospel, not the moral majority. Yes, it's scary for our future children. But, if we don't do something about it, we'll passively watch our kids be educated by a culture lacking Biblical authority.

It's not the Christian's job to make sure that He has political power. It is his job to have the power of Jesus Christ and change lives through some classic interpersonal communication.

Well, I didn't say it would be easy, now did I?

recently...

Barack Obama
Sarah Palin
John McCain
The Economy
Oil
Iran's President
W
The End of The World As We Know It.


Seems there is plenty to talk about. But...I'd rather reflect on my own life. So-

I've been traveling around northern Alabama recruiting souls for the University of Mobile, eating on the school and sleeping in nice Hampton beds. It has allowed me to be away from everyone and gain some time alone. It has allowed me the opportunity to be lonely. It has allowed me the joys of reading and writing. And television. (which I never watch!) All the while just being patient, attempting to understand this unique point in my life where nothing is really...going on. Sure, there is plenty going on in this crazy world of ours, but zoom in on the life of Trey and it appears rather quiet. And I like it. Having bills and responsibilities renders life more simple than class and a lack of structure. I wake up a little earlier, go to work, then go home and spend time with those that I love. I get tired right around 10:30 and thus begin again. 6 months ago, I thought that life this way would destroy my creative, impulsive attitude. But it has actually given me a little more time and space to breathe.

This past weekend I trekked to Huntsville with my dad. Besides the fact that his truck purchase was quite the wise one, I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. I was reminded why I've always looked up to dad. He maintains a keen sense of reality at all times. Never scared of the possibilities, or the truth- he faces every situation with an attitude of courage and bold optimism. He's the kind of man that gives direction, not by silly ideals, but with sincerity in his eyes as he leads his family into the next day. Not one to extend his sentences, he sees things for what they are without losing sight of what they could be. A rock he stands for his wife and children. I love him for that. He reminded me that my head is somewhat twisted-on correctly and that I will take care of mine the way he takes care of his. I felt empowered.


Refreshed.

waves

Don't ever ignore your friends.

It becomes easy to isolate ourselves in the culture of "instant connection." At the touch of our fingertips is the opportunity to connect- across geographic and cultural barriers, through the ever-expanding population of frequency waves in our atmosphere and into homes everywhere. Instantaneous relationships. There you have it! The world's solution to the traditional issues of distance and time. Phone plans that have expanded to make an entire country- your local calling area. Online profiles that give people an incredibly intangible way to...well, get to know you. Ideas that surf back and forth through cyber waves of knowledge and information flow providing wiki-answers to anything.

All of this...quite the Babel of human achievement and excellence.

The only problem is- despite our contained world of connection, we have continued to grow farther and farther apart...The insubstantial level of intimacy and honesty that is shared in relationships only reflects our current state. The innate desires of human touch and presence cannot be replaced by a mere replica of intentional connection. It is the cry of the human heart- to be one with the Creator- and to share life with His creation. And while prayers to Him may seem to get lost in the rapid circulation of the universe, it is the consistent affinity for our brothers and sisters that confirm the reality of His presence. A love for others must never be replaced by frequency waves- though grand findings- the closeness of a friend providing truth and accountability exceeds the perceived need for inter-continental connection.

Jesus had twelve men with Him- all the time. They changed the world. And the only waves they encountered were the ones their Friend and Teacher put to rest.

Never ignore your friends.

miles to go

It has been quite the steady summer-but a colorful change comes as fall exhales its first breathe. I have made the transition from carefree to determined in a matter of miles. I left my dorm room to live in a not-so-well-insulated home built in the black & white era. I left the education I received, well, to return and find more people to educate. I left the money I didn't make to, well...give the money I do make to the powers that allow me to live comfortably. I left sleeping through classes to saying hi to the sun when he rises. And all is well.

I have learned some serious-somewhat painful- lessons about honesty. That there is often a disconnect in who we portray and what lies within our heart. These truths seem too painful to display- but too risky to hide. I found myself in some patterns of dishonesty, ignoring what needed to be opened in the name of protection. And it failed. Facing my demons was emotionally disturbing- but I had to do it. I had to face up. The funny thing is- I experienced a release, a freedom only found by shining a light. The darkness scattered and my heart is illuminated. Jesus' imagery about being a sword and a light meant to divide and scatter the things of evil. As His son, the light must shine in me at all times.

There is a change that happens when you leave a surrounding- a continuing system that holds your world and all of its contents. It causes you to start over and re-define who you're supposed to be. It causes you to do things you wouldn't have done in the other system. It causes you to stop, think and move forward in a new direction.

More as I keep changing...